SharoninSAT
Veteran
Last edited:
A little humor
- Thread starter KCFlyer
- Start date
BlueEyesSkies
Member
Once in a classroom:
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now, what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now, what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
BlueEyesSkies
Member
Optimist: "The glass is half full."
Pessimist: "It's also half empty."
Mom: "Why didn’t you use a coaster?!"
Pessimist: "It's also half empty."
Mom: "Why didn’t you use a coaster?!"
NewHampshire Black Bears
Veteran
- Aug 20, 2002
- 10,154
- 681
ooops, video no longer available.
My bad.
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NewHampshire Black Bears
Veteran
- Aug 20, 2002
- 10,154
- 681
This past election day a reporter from the local FOX NEWS station in Alabama inquires about why the voted the way they did, to 3 guys as they exited.
The first wearing bib overalls (with one strap hanging down) pauses for a minute, while the second guy(with NO Shoes on)pauses a moment as well.
The third guy(living in a dilapidated old trailer, with No screen door) is standing with this 15 year old daughter who's carrying a 2 and 3 year old that looks EXACTLY like him answers proudly " I ain't voting for no Gawd DAM Yankeee Northerner from Chicago " !!
The first wearing bib overalls (with one strap hanging down) pauses for a minute, while the second guy(with NO Shoes on)pauses a moment as well.
The third guy(living in a dilapidated old trailer, with No screen door) is standing with this 15 year old daughter who's carrying a 2 and 3 year old that looks EXACTLY like him answers proudly " I ain't voting for no Gawd DAM Yankeee Northerner from Chicago " !!
BlueEyesSkies
Member
I once met a pirate with a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch. I asked him "What happened to your leg?"
"Arr," he responded, "One day I was in a battle at sea and a cannon ball blew my leg right off. I cut the throat of the man who fired the shot though."
"That sounds awful. What happened to your hand?"
"Arr, one day at sea I was knocked off the ship into shark infested waters and a great white bit my hand right off. I stabbed him with a harpoon after that though.
"That sounds terrible. What happened to your eye?"
"Arr, one day I was near the port and a ton of seagulls were flying overhead. When I looked up into the sky, one of them pooped and it landed right in my eye."
"That's...really gross. But why would you lose your eye from that?"
"Arr, it was the first day with the hook."
"Arr," he responded, "One day I was in a battle at sea and a cannon ball blew my leg right off. I cut the throat of the man who fired the shot though."
"That sounds awful. What happened to your hand?"
"Arr, one day at sea I was knocked off the ship into shark infested waters and a great white bit my hand right off. I stabbed him with a harpoon after that though.
"That sounds terrible. What happened to your eye?"
"Arr, one day I was near the port and a ton of seagulls were flying overhead. When I looked up into the sky, one of them pooped and it landed right in my eye."
"That's...really gross. But why would you lose your eye from that?"
"Arr, it was the first day with the hook."
BlueEyesSkies
Member
A man was once brought to the FBI on suspicion of murder.
He argued that there was no way he could have done it, as he was on vacation in Prague for the week of the killing.
The FBI took note of his travel records and let him go.
In short, his alibi Czeched out!
He argued that there was no way he could have done it, as he was on vacation in Prague for the week of the killing.
The FBI took note of his travel records and let him go.
In short, his alibi Czeched out!
Glenn Quagmire
Veteran
- Apr 30, 2012
- 4,809
- 4,343
Habitat For Humanity Investigated For Working Conditions After 92-Year-Old Laborer Collapses On Site
http://www.theonion.com/amp/56406
http://www.theonion.com/amp/56406
BlueEyesSkies
Member
I once knew a guy who took an airline to court over missing luggage...
..he lost his case.
..he lost his case.
xUT
Veteran
SharoninSAT
Veteran
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SharoninSAT
Veteran
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Seatacus
Veteran
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast?'
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast?'
