A little humor

[Insp4]

Oh yea of little fath!!!

 

[Insp4]

I love to pully my AA brother's chains ever so often!!!! Enjoy!

 

[Insp4]

You'll love this one!

 

[xUT]

The Flight Crew

The airliner pushed back from the gate;

the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual
information regarding seat belts, etc .

Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip
while your captain, Judith Campbell,
and crew take you safely to your destination.'

Ed, sitting in the eighth row, thought to himself,
'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?'
When the attendant came by with the drink cart
he said, 'Did I understand you right?
Is the captain a woman?'




'Yes,' said the attendant,
'In fact, this entire crew is female.'

'My Goodness' said Ed,
'I'd better have two scotch and sodas.
I don't know what to think
with only women up there in the cockpit.'

'That's another thing sir,' said the attendant,
'We No Longer Call It The Cock Pit.'


'It's The Box Office.'

This is the OP.
One of the things he/we tried to do (IIRC) was making this thread non-political.
So, in keeping with original intent, I will start a 'Political Humor' thread.
Hopefully, people will respect the original intent.
JMHO & PO
xUT

 

[KCFlyer]

This is the OP.
One of the things he/we tried to do (IIRC) was making this thread non-political.
So, in keeping with original intent, I will start a 'Political Humor' thread.
Hopefully, people will respect the original intent.
JMHO & PO
xUT

Thank you.

 

[xUT]

I was so depressed over the bailout last night I called Lifeline.

Got a freakin call center in Pakistan.

I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck. h34r:

Classic!

 

[xUT]

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of

St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'

St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks.

Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.

Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'

'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'

'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating
that she never told a lie.'

'Incredible,' said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'

St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.'

'Where's President Bush's clock?' asked the man.

'Bush's clock is in Jesus' office.

He's using it as a ceiling fan.

LOL...

 

[xUT]

FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful

Who Me?

 

[xUT]

What's really humorous is Albert searching my posts from 2009 and giving me reds...
What a small minded tool.

 

[xUT]

Old Timers Sex

This is too funny to be dirty - enjoy!

And elderly couple are sitting in a restaurant. The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned
against the back fence and I made love to you.'
'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'
'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there and we can do it again for old time's sake?'
'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in... Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to
himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

Some of these are too precious to forget.
Thanks Jim...

 

[xUT]

A man is sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous, sexy, young woman enters. The man can’t stop staring at her. The young woman notices this and walks directly toward him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman says to him, "I'll do anything you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, with one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asks what the condition is. The young woman replies, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considers her proposition for a moment, withdraws his wallet from his pocket, and hands the woman five $20 bills. He looks deeply into her eyes and slowly says, "Paint my house."

- See more at: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/sexist-jokes/2#sthash.OFaPbmI9.dpuf

 

[xUT]

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?" The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

- See more at: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/office-jokes#sthash.lwiu3aoN.dpuf

 

[Insp4]

Happy Father's day!!!

 

[Insp4]

Do you have friends like this?

 

[Insp4]

Saw this on line. Thought it was cute!