Airline Humor

[UAL_TECH]

Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John McCain were flying to a debate.



Barack looked at Hillary, Chuckled and said, 'You know I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.

'

Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replie d, 'I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.

'

John added, 'That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.

'

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, 'Such big-shots back there. I could throw all three of them out of the window and make 156 million people very happy.

'

(On a personal note, I'm voting for the Pilot!!!)

 

[SharoninSAT]

me too!!!

 

[UAL_TECH]

From the "squawk sheets"

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."

Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."

Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."

Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."

Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.

Solution: Live bugs on order.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.

Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: IFF inoperative.

Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

Solution: That's what they're there for.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."

Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."

Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."

Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."

Problem #2: "#1,#3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."


Ripped From: http://www.aviation-humor.com/cms/view.php?id=80

 

[UAL_TECH]

During a particularly rough flight, the airliner pilot addresses his passengers: "The turbulence we passed through was rough, but we have passed that now. The rest of the flight is expected to be smooth." The pilot was unaware that his PA switch was stuck on, and leaned over to the co-pilot and said "Boy, was that rough! What I need now is a hot woman and a cold beer."

A flight attendant in the rear of the aircraft heard this, and ran forward to warn the pilot.

As she neared the cockpit, an elderly woman passenger stopped her saying "Don't forget the beer!"

 

[SharoninSAT]

A recent study conducted by Harvard University found that the average
American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study by the American Medical Association found that Americans
drink, on the average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

This means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind of makes you proud to be an American.