xUT
Veteran
When I volunteered for the Army, my recruiter assured me that working on helicopters would keep me out of Vietnam and my MOS was mainly in Germany.
Yea, I was stupid...
A little humor
- Thread starter KCFlyer
- Start date
Yea, I was stupid...
Insp4
Veteran
- May 27, 2016
- 6,084
- 902
Just before I graduated from Northrop (N.I.T.) with my A&P, we had a Lycoming Rep. come in and tried to recruit some hot bodies out of our class to go into the bush in Vietnam and get their downed helos up and running. But couldn't figure out why there were no takers. But if he had thought about it, he may have figured it out. Half the class, were poor little rich kids, going to school mainly only for their 2S deferment. The other half, myself included, were there under the GI-Bill and had been to Vietnam, and didn't want to go back!When I volunteered for the Army, my recruiter assured me that working on helicopters would keep me out of Vietnam and my MOS was mainly in Germany.
Yea, I was stupid...
SharoninSAT
Veteran
La Li Lu Le Lo
Veteran
- May 29, 2010
- 7,413
- 2,649
I got this as a definition while typing moderator into google.
A moderator is a material used in a nuclear reactor.
Of course that got me thinking of the moderator for this forum.
A moderator is a material used in a nuclear reactor.
Of course that got me thinking of the moderator for this forum.
Dog Wonder
Veteran
You know it's a good fart when the dog wakes up, looks at you in disgust and walks out of the room.
Insp4
Veteran
- May 27, 2016
- 6,084
- 902
Mywife and I took a trip to Wally World the other day to do some shoping. But before we could get started, she had to use the ladies room. Well a half hour later, she shows up. I asked what took so long. She just gave me one of those looks and proceeded to explain:
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers"(invented by someone'sMom, no doubt) is handy, but empty .
You would hang your purse on the door hook,if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the floor ! ), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn'ttaken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday -the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time).That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.
The door hits your purse,which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest , and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream,as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny , crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT .
It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late . Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper -not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom nevertouched a public toilet seat because, frankly,dear , "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes,propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too
At this point, you give up.. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket! and thenslink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucetswith the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe.(Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men'srestroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" ...........
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand youKleenex under the door!
xUT
Veteran
Thats that the truth... LOL..
Insp4
Veteran
- May 27, 2016
- 6,084
- 902
Do you have gas Dog?
Dog Wonder
Veteran
Dog Wonder
Veteran
