I miss her and I feel terrible for not being a better friend. She was one of the only people who called me when I was sick and I thought she was calling for me to work for her and it was never the case. It hurts every time she's on tv, in the paper, that pretty Nikki smile. I dont even feel like I have right to cry because I never called to check on her when she wasn't here.
Anyone who never got to meet her certainly missed out. I miss her silly jokes and her fun hair. I miss her unconditional smile and her energy and her light and I never appreciated it. I didn't help the search parties and I didn't put up fliers and I didn't anything because I stay too overwhelmed in my own little bubble and I feel awful about it but it didn't keep me from hurting and it grows and grows.
She was shot in the back of the head and his other woman helped dispose of her. I am sick, absolutely sick over this.
What in the hell is the point of being such a gentle soul if these things happen to people like her.
Her name is still in the swap database, I can still send her swaps. Her folder is still in admin. I even looked in it, she still has notes from admin. I didnt read them. Her voicemail still works. Her footprints are everywhere, and I follow them and it still hurts and I never told her I appreciated her.
She was special. I hope people fully understand and can grasp what kind of a person she was, she wasn't just "nice" she was a very very special person that was extremely rare.
She was the picture of the person you hope you raise your child to be and then when this happens, you go into a tailspin because being special makes you vulnerable and in this nasty world vulnerable is risky, and sometimes fatal.
I'm so sorry for her family and her very best friends. We have all suffered a painful loss but they lost the angel they helped shape.
🙁