Ukridge
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Trans-Atlantic airline shakeup in the works
Special to the Times Financial
Sources close to the negotiations team of Transport Minister J.F. Bithersby have recently hinted at plans of a wealthy home islands based investment group taking a controlling interest in an American based air carrier. Further investigations reveal that this group is headed by Sir Richard Branson, who as of late, has made patent his desire to expand his aviation empire into the Former Colonies.
Sir Richard’s original intent sources reveal, was to establish a smaller carrier along the lines of the burgeoning American ‘low cost carriers’ or LCCs as they are known in industry parlance. Sensing that he would be able to gain purchase in the American market by the immediate name transfer of his Virgin appellation, he has of late being making rounds to various American municipalities passing the plate to determine the willingness of these states and former colonies to provide the monies for his undertaking. “It will be a frosty day in perdition before I have to set loose the purse strings†was the reputed quote from Sir Richard in a unveiled reference to the Americans penchant of using major public duty and tax revenue to support and underwrite the costs of the LCCs. “Why should I have to spend a shilling on this project when the good and hearty taxpayers will do it for me?†was the cheeky enquiry. When asked of the Former Colonial laws that prevent foreign controlling investment in an American carrier, Sir Richard is reported to have retorted that ‘I am working to get the American taxpayer to foot the bill for this enterprise and in the convoluted logic of governmental regulation and spending, this should allow for a legal change.’
However, those close to the negotiations have hinted at more recondite motivations that are perhaps behind the foray into the market. These parties to the plans have heard Sir Richard brood about the inevitability of a Unique Corporate Transaction or UCT that for months has been reported in the American press. Knowing Sir Richard’s penchant for wishing to be unique, he did not desire to be outmaneuvered and pipped at the post by a UCT over which he had no control. Simply not wishing to be out-UCTed he has made repeated references to conspiratorial cabals of ticking clocks and incongruous sentence syntax. ‘If this has not been proof that I must act quickly, then nothing would be’ were remarks recently overhead from the Virgin King’s office.
Most startling though are the plans which Sir Richard envisions for his enterprise. Not having an appetite limited solely to the LCCs, he has broadly hinted at a desire to eventually purchase the entire American air transport system. This is linked with a plan to return the original 13 colonies to their agrarian traditions. Sir Richard’s plans are then to use his newly garnered aircraft to transport tourists from around the world to witness the splendor of the Former Colonies as the were before they gained impudent ideas of independence. Bucolic settings of mill and farm work would be the theme with a few older men running about quoting Cicero and Locke. “This will show those who sow the seeds of UCT and ICT ideas†were Branson’s words in a rare prediction of comeuppance to those who in the past have voiced UCT theories.
No, timetable has been given for the execution of these plans as sources hint at difficulties not with the funding of his LCC, but rather reluctance on behalf of the former colonies in wishing to cede from the United States to become vacation vassals of Sir Richard’s empire.
Special to the Times Financial
Sources close to the negotiations team of Transport Minister J.F. Bithersby have recently hinted at plans of a wealthy home islands based investment group taking a controlling interest in an American based air carrier. Further investigations reveal that this group is headed by Sir Richard Branson, who as of late, has made patent his desire to expand his aviation empire into the Former Colonies.
Sir Richard’s original intent sources reveal, was to establish a smaller carrier along the lines of the burgeoning American ‘low cost carriers’ or LCCs as they are known in industry parlance. Sensing that he would be able to gain purchase in the American market by the immediate name transfer of his Virgin appellation, he has of late being making rounds to various American municipalities passing the plate to determine the willingness of these states and former colonies to provide the monies for his undertaking. “It will be a frosty day in perdition before I have to set loose the purse strings†was the reputed quote from Sir Richard in a unveiled reference to the Americans penchant of using major public duty and tax revenue to support and underwrite the costs of the LCCs. “Why should I have to spend a shilling on this project when the good and hearty taxpayers will do it for me?†was the cheeky enquiry. When asked of the Former Colonial laws that prevent foreign controlling investment in an American carrier, Sir Richard is reported to have retorted that ‘I am working to get the American taxpayer to foot the bill for this enterprise and in the convoluted logic of governmental regulation and spending, this should allow for a legal change.’
However, those close to the negotiations have hinted at more recondite motivations that are perhaps behind the foray into the market. These parties to the plans have heard Sir Richard brood about the inevitability of a Unique Corporate Transaction or UCT that for months has been reported in the American press. Knowing Sir Richard’s penchant for wishing to be unique, he did not desire to be outmaneuvered and pipped at the post by a UCT over which he had no control. Simply not wishing to be out-UCTed he has made repeated references to conspiratorial cabals of ticking clocks and incongruous sentence syntax. ‘If this has not been proof that I must act quickly, then nothing would be’ were remarks recently overhead from the Virgin King’s office.
Most startling though are the plans which Sir Richard envisions for his enterprise. Not having an appetite limited solely to the LCCs, he has broadly hinted at a desire to eventually purchase the entire American air transport system. This is linked with a plan to return the original 13 colonies to their agrarian traditions. Sir Richard’s plans are then to use his newly garnered aircraft to transport tourists from around the world to witness the splendor of the Former Colonies as the were before they gained impudent ideas of independence. Bucolic settings of mill and farm work would be the theme with a few older men running about quoting Cicero and Locke. “This will show those who sow the seeds of UCT and ICT ideas†were Branson’s words in a rare prediction of comeuppance to those who in the past have voiced UCT theories.
No, timetable has been given for the execution of these plans as sources hint at difficulties not with the funding of his LCC, but rather reluctance on behalf of the former colonies in wishing to cede from the United States to become vacation vassals of Sir Richard’s empire.
Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!
