As the Radar Turns
- Thread starter InternationalShannon
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YVINTERN
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YVINTERN
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Uhmm...Hire Date of *gibberish* and the Westies line is eighty-four blocks over this is the Easties line *gibberish*
OP
InternationalShannon
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Ha ha ha....... that's nice of you! You never know, maybe one day
I'll find another good one and post it. Some of them are up to 8 years old, but they're still funny!
OP
InternationalShannon
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I was working at the gate for a flight to Seattle. Seattle is a four hour flight, and often goes out completely full. I went down to the aircraft to see if the crew was ready to begin boarding,
I was walking back up the jetbridge toward the terminal when I hear a BANG BANG BANG on the jetbridge door. I almost jumped out of my skin.
I opened the door to find a woman in her late thirties with cartoonishly fake breasts, orangey skin , a dress that was probably two sizes too small and a little yorkie sticking its head out of her purse. A few steps behind her was a man I presumed to be her husband, and behind them were the rest of my passengers waiting to board the aircraft. Some of them were staring in disbelief at the woman who had banged on the door and some of them were snickering. Others looked weary and probably just wanted to get onboard.
I looked at her, still shuddering from the loudness of her banging and asked her if I could help her.
“Seattle.â€
That was all she said. She tapped her foot and put her hand on her hip, causing her purse to swing and her little puppy to duck its head completely into the bag.
“Ma’am, I was just getting ready to start boarding. Go ahead and step aside until I call your zone.â€
She didn’t move. I looked at her. I looked at her traveling companion who wouldn’t look me in the eye and appeared to be very uncomfortable.
“I don’t need to step aside. I’m going to need to board first, because I have had a long (freaking) day and I have had it with your pathetic airline. “ the lady snarled
I asked to see her boarding passes .
She snapped her fingers. “Richard!!â€
Her traveling companion was fumbling around in his briefcase.
“Ma’am, I haven’t even boarded first class yet. Are you in first class?†I asked her.
She looked at me with a hateful sneer and said that she had better be after all the trouble my airline had put her through.
I looked at the rest of the passengers waiting patiently. One man walked up and said, “Excuse me, we were waiting here long before you and we’d all like to get on “
The hateful lady ignored him and hissed at Richard again. She lost her temper and snatched his briefcase, carried it over to the podium and dumped the contents all over my counter ,cursing under her breath.
I decided to ignore her and begin boarding my first class passengers. As soon as I began ripping tickets and allowing people on, she stepped in front of the passenger who I had just handed a stub to and waved two boarding passes in my face.
“THIS is just (freaking) unbelievable. You morons have managed to screw up my seats again. I am on my honeymoon and again, my husband is sitting in a different seat, several rows away. This isn’t acceptable.â€
This woman was really beginning to get under my skin. I sternly told her to step aside, stop swearing , and that I would try to switch her seats after I got the passengers onboard.
She stomped over to her new groom and shoved the boarding passes into his hand, muttering things like “ridiculousâ€and “incompetentâ€. I ignored her and instead smiled back at those sympathetic faces that were snickering, shaking their heads and walking onto the jet bridge.
One lady said “I do not envy your job†and another one asked “how do you DO this?â€
I just smiled and thanked them for flying and took the ticket from the next passenger. Meanwhile, this lady, whose boarding card disclosed her first name as “Erica†was stomping and carrying on to her husband, pointing at me, then the boarding passes, then down the hallway and then again at me. The poor yorkie was getting jerked to and fro in the purse. I felt really sorry for it.
Finally, I had gotten every passenger on board with the exception of Richard and Erica. I went into their reservation and discovered that they hadn’t paid to transport the pet on the aircraft.
I called them up and explained that the dog needed a ticket/reciept and Erica promptly began throwing another hissy fit. She felt it was ridiculous to have to pay for her Yorkie because he fit in her carryon. If people could carry on infant babies for free, then she should be able to carry on her dog. Which is her child, she says. Because she was raped in college and got HPV and it destroyed her cervix and now she can’t have children. Her eyes start to tear up and she glares at me again. Feeling extremely awkward after that random outpour of TMI, I stuttered that I’d go ahead and waive the pet fee if she’d just take her seat. Finally, Richard looked at her and told her
“That’s enough sweetheart. This nice lady is just doing her job and let’s just take the seats we have.†Then he looked at me and thanked me.
This did not sit well. Erica took her over-tanned arm and purse ( the Yorkie included) and used it to sock her husband on the shoulder. He didn’t say anything, but his face was red and he was insisting that they just go.
“You are just flirting with her! You’re such a pig!†Erica hissed venomously. Then she sombered up and said that on the last flight, she had to sit with a creepy man and a baby that wouldn’t’ stop crying while her husband sat next to an 18 year old “hoochie†and probably played footsie the whole way.
At this point, I’ve got exactly eight minutes to get their dysfunctional behinds on the aircraft and push it back before I end up in the supervisor’s office explaining why my plane was late if every connection made it on time. People at neighboring gates are watching her meltdown and the people on the moving sidewalks tried to linger, but found themselves tripping over each other to watch this scary woman (who kind of looked like a cross between a drag queen and an oompa loompa) rant on and on about how stupid our airline is, what a pig her husband is and how skanky that girl on the plane was.
I told her I had no other seats left. She asked about first class.
I did have one seat left in first class. I thought wistfully about my patient first class passengers and how mad they’d be if I put her up there for free. I thought about it just to shut her up but I refuse to reward this kind of behavior.
I informed her that I did have only one seat, but that there was a fee to upgrade. She snapped her fingers at her husband and he rolled his eyes and gave her his credit card. She presented it to me, and I quickly ran the card and assigned the seat. As I looked at the back of the card , I noticed it hadn’t been signed and the front of it read Richard’s name. I would need Richard to sign the receipt since it was his card. The lady snapped again at Richard to hurry up and "sign the stupid receipt" so that she could get some rest in a decent seat. She grabbed her carryon bag and jerked it over to the seats to readjust the zippers while Richard signed the card.
My blood was boiling as I watched her slam her bag around , with her poor Yorkie still being swung around in the purse and Richard leaned over and said something to me that made it all worth it.
“Leave that crazy woman in coach and assign me the seat, this is my credit cardâ€
I complied, handed him the boarding pass along with hers and he wrapped them both in the envelope. Brilliant!! I couldn’t believe what this man just done. In gleeful bliss, I made a final boarding announcement and gathered the crew’s paperwork and passenger manifest.
“Darling, let’s go!†he cooed. She sneered and grabbed her bag and asked if the upgrade was done. He nodded and she followed, without a word to me and stomped down the jet bridge.
I followed closely behind with the departure paperwork , I had two minutes to get them onboard and shut the cabin door. They boarded, and as I handed the flight manifest and paperwork to the captain, He told me to shut the door immediately and hed make sure I got the right out time. The flight attendants would make sure everyone was seated after the door was shut while he made announcements. They all felt bad, but could handle her from here. I couldn’t help but wince as I saw him pull the tickets from the jacket and begin to stow his bag under the seat of 1A.
I heard her whiny voice tell him to put the bag in his own seat, and as the flight attendant assisted me in closing the door , she caught my eye and I shrugged. . She rolled her eyes and the door shut.
As I pulled the loading bridge away from the aircraft, I caught a glimpse of Richard in his first class window seat smiling smugly as I imagined the woman stomping furiously to row 31, seat E.
Wonder how that went.
I was walking back up the jetbridge toward the terminal when I hear a BANG BANG BANG on the jetbridge door. I almost jumped out of my skin.
I opened the door to find a woman in her late thirties with cartoonishly fake breasts, orangey skin , a dress that was probably two sizes too small and a little yorkie sticking its head out of her purse. A few steps behind her was a man I presumed to be her husband, and behind them were the rest of my passengers waiting to board the aircraft. Some of them were staring in disbelief at the woman who had banged on the door and some of them were snickering. Others looked weary and probably just wanted to get onboard.
I looked at her, still shuddering from the loudness of her banging and asked her if I could help her.
“Seattle.â€
That was all she said. She tapped her foot and put her hand on her hip, causing her purse to swing and her little puppy to duck its head completely into the bag.
“Ma’am, I was just getting ready to start boarding. Go ahead and step aside until I call your zone.â€
She didn’t move. I looked at her. I looked at her traveling companion who wouldn’t look me in the eye and appeared to be very uncomfortable.
“I don’t need to step aside. I’m going to need to board first, because I have had a long (freaking) day and I have had it with your pathetic airline. “ the lady snarled
I asked to see her boarding passes .
She snapped her fingers. “Richard!!â€
Her traveling companion was fumbling around in his briefcase.
“Ma’am, I haven’t even boarded first class yet. Are you in first class?†I asked her.
She looked at me with a hateful sneer and said that she had better be after all the trouble my airline had put her through.
I looked at the rest of the passengers waiting patiently. One man walked up and said, “Excuse me, we were waiting here long before you and we’d all like to get on “
The hateful lady ignored him and hissed at Richard again. She lost her temper and snatched his briefcase, carried it over to the podium and dumped the contents all over my counter ,cursing under her breath.
I decided to ignore her and begin boarding my first class passengers. As soon as I began ripping tickets and allowing people on, she stepped in front of the passenger who I had just handed a stub to and waved two boarding passes in my face.
“THIS is just (freaking) unbelievable. You morons have managed to screw up my seats again. I am on my honeymoon and again, my husband is sitting in a different seat, several rows away. This isn’t acceptable.â€
This woman was really beginning to get under my skin. I sternly told her to step aside, stop swearing , and that I would try to switch her seats after I got the passengers onboard.
She stomped over to her new groom and shoved the boarding passes into his hand, muttering things like “ridiculousâ€and “incompetentâ€. I ignored her and instead smiled back at those sympathetic faces that were snickering, shaking their heads and walking onto the jet bridge.
One lady said “I do not envy your job†and another one asked “how do you DO this?â€
I just smiled and thanked them for flying and took the ticket from the next passenger. Meanwhile, this lady, whose boarding card disclosed her first name as “Erica†was stomping and carrying on to her husband, pointing at me, then the boarding passes, then down the hallway and then again at me. The poor yorkie was getting jerked to and fro in the purse. I felt really sorry for it.
Finally, I had gotten every passenger on board with the exception of Richard and Erica. I went into their reservation and discovered that they hadn’t paid to transport the pet on the aircraft.
I called them up and explained that the dog needed a ticket/reciept and Erica promptly began throwing another hissy fit. She felt it was ridiculous to have to pay for her Yorkie because he fit in her carryon. If people could carry on infant babies for free, then she should be able to carry on her dog. Which is her child, she says. Because she was raped in college and got HPV and it destroyed her cervix and now she can’t have children. Her eyes start to tear up and she glares at me again. Feeling extremely awkward after that random outpour of TMI, I stuttered that I’d go ahead and waive the pet fee if she’d just take her seat. Finally, Richard looked at her and told her
“That’s enough sweetheart. This nice lady is just doing her job and let’s just take the seats we have.†Then he looked at me and thanked me.
This did not sit well. Erica took her over-tanned arm and purse ( the Yorkie included) and used it to sock her husband on the shoulder. He didn’t say anything, but his face was red and he was insisting that they just go.
“You are just flirting with her! You’re such a pig!†Erica hissed venomously. Then she sombered up and said that on the last flight, she had to sit with a creepy man and a baby that wouldn’t’ stop crying while her husband sat next to an 18 year old “hoochie†and probably played footsie the whole way.
At this point, I’ve got exactly eight minutes to get their dysfunctional behinds on the aircraft and push it back before I end up in the supervisor’s office explaining why my plane was late if every connection made it on time. People at neighboring gates are watching her meltdown and the people on the moving sidewalks tried to linger, but found themselves tripping over each other to watch this scary woman (who kind of looked like a cross between a drag queen and an oompa loompa) rant on and on about how stupid our airline is, what a pig her husband is and how skanky that girl on the plane was.
I told her I had no other seats left. She asked about first class.
I did have one seat left in first class. I thought wistfully about my patient first class passengers and how mad they’d be if I put her up there for free. I thought about it just to shut her up but I refuse to reward this kind of behavior.
I informed her that I did have only one seat, but that there was a fee to upgrade. She snapped her fingers at her husband and he rolled his eyes and gave her his credit card. She presented it to me, and I quickly ran the card and assigned the seat. As I looked at the back of the card , I noticed it hadn’t been signed and the front of it read Richard’s name. I would need Richard to sign the receipt since it was his card. The lady snapped again at Richard to hurry up and "sign the stupid receipt" so that she could get some rest in a decent seat. She grabbed her carryon bag and jerked it over to the seats to readjust the zippers while Richard signed the card.
My blood was boiling as I watched her slam her bag around , with her poor Yorkie still being swung around in the purse and Richard leaned over and said something to me that made it all worth it.
“Leave that crazy woman in coach and assign me the seat, this is my credit cardâ€
I complied, handed him the boarding pass along with hers and he wrapped them both in the envelope. Brilliant!! I couldn’t believe what this man just done. In gleeful bliss, I made a final boarding announcement and gathered the crew’s paperwork and passenger manifest.
“Darling, let’s go!†he cooed. She sneered and grabbed her bag and asked if the upgrade was done. He nodded and she followed, without a word to me and stomped down the jet bridge.
I followed closely behind with the departure paperwork , I had two minutes to get them onboard and shut the cabin door. They boarded, and as I handed the flight manifest and paperwork to the captain, He told me to shut the door immediately and hed make sure I got the right out time. The flight attendants would make sure everyone was seated after the door was shut while he made announcements. They all felt bad, but could handle her from here. I couldn’t help but wince as I saw him pull the tickets from the jacket and begin to stow his bag under the seat of 1A.
I heard her whiny voice tell him to put the bag in his own seat, and as the flight attendant assisted me in closing the door , she caught my eye and I shrugged. . She rolled her eyes and the door shut.
As I pulled the loading bridge away from the aircraft, I caught a glimpse of Richard in his first class window seat smiling smugly as I imagined the woman stomping furiously to row 31, seat E.
Wonder how that went.
YVINTERN
Veteran
Once again double damn Shannon! LOL
flybynite
Veteran
Oh.....that is so rich. 
OP
InternationalShannon
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- Thread Starter
- Thread starter
- #25
ha ha ha i cant believe this hasnt made the rounds here yet...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=VTxXO0MQLDA
http://youtube.com/watch?v=VTxXO0MQLDA
lildutchgrl
Advanced
- Apr 4, 2007
- 184
- 0
HA HA Thanks for the laugh SNN. Too funny.
You need to quit this gig and start writing for a living. Hysterical!
Drag Queen and an Oompa Loompa! I'm still laughing. The dog is looking up at me like I've gone crazy.
I remember as a res agent always assigning the nasty ones 22F on the DC9 out of spite. Or was it 21? My memory is fading.
Drag Queen and an Oompa Loompa! I'm still laughing. The dog is looking up at me like I've gone crazy.
I remember as a res agent always assigning the nasty ones 22F on the DC9 out of spite. Or was it 21? My memory is fading.
OP
InternationalShannon
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- #28
haha no one seems to remember my original post on this website about a book i was writing. everyone annhilated me and basically told me to go to hell.
oh well, who can be mad at a lawn gnome now , right? hehehehe
glad you all like them
dont worry, ive invested the writing skills somewhere, i'll bust out the news as soon as i have some 
Are you sure the passenger with the Yorkie was from SEA and not PBI?
YVINTERN
Veteran
Hey...I'm from PBI and I resent that EDITED BY MOD now where's my complimentary FC upgrade
Actually I agree about PBI passengers...they think they are entitled to just EVERYTHING...I saw it on US1223 last Monday.
MOD NOTE: PROFANITY EVEN IF DISGUISED IS PROHIBITED>
