What is A la Carte?

[REACC1]

The following information is coming out in the new Inflight Manual.



Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir.

May I see your ticket?

Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5,

please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a

seat locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy.

Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard.

I won't pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight,

or not?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the

airline is going to hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your

carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to

stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done!

That will be $10, please.

Passenger: What?

Attendant: The airline now charges a $10

carry-on assistance fee.

Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.

Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand.

You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're

about to push back from the gate. But, first I need

that $10.

Passenger: No way!

Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be

forced to call the air marshal. And you really

don't want me to do that.

Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?

Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal

hailing fee.

Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10.

I can't believe this.

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir.

Is there anything else I can do for you?

Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my

overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir.

Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin

slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is

provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that

costs 50 cents.

Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make

change for a dollar?

Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!

Passenger: But you've given me only three

quarters for my dollar.

Attendant: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cents.

Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a

lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?

Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the

lavatory.

LOL,LOL

 

[jimcfs]

I have always wondered if they were related.

Nasty.....

Have you wondered why there's a major consumption of Baileys with the coffee in F? Makes the caffeine go down better. It sure isn't the taste of the coffee itself. :huh:

 

[InternationalShannon]

Have you wondered why there's a major consumption of Baileys with the coffee in F? Makes the caffeine go down better. It sure isn't the taste of the coffee itself. :huh:

it makes for better customer service, now, will you please refill my big gulp? I am going to need some serious assistance with these lga people who act like theyve never heard of ATC...

 

[Travelpro72]

Hey to all my VFF's ( I do check the manifest for you in coach) AND our FC folks I just read that the water being "sold" in coach will be 16oz bottles. Looks like we'll have small bottles to hand out again. YAAAAHOOOOOOOO! ! ! !

 

[vantheman63]

Hey to all my VFF's ( I do check the manifest for you in coach) AND our FC folks I just read that the water being "sold" in coach will be 16oz bottles. Looks like we'll have small bottles to hand out again. YAAAAHOOOOOOOO! ! ! !

Well damnit! I wish I would have had the chance to say "hello" before I bailed on US...

Oh well....my loss....I have one main-line ride left...July 7 CLT-PVD...who knows! Maybe then!

 

[FlyGuyBWI]

This Just in. Your future on US Airways


View attachment 7660

Be careful what you wish for -- can you imagine the charge for landings?

 

[YVINTERN]

I can see the ala carte pricing for Landings

$10.00 Bumpy Typical DCA Landing "Whoa Big Fella Woah"

$20.00 Pittsburgh Landing...Smooth Landing but with typical Burgh attitude...slams on the brakes with a quick taxi into the Gate so the crew can go to the Hotel faster.

$25.00 Smooth Landing One can Experience like an A330 Greaser at Philly 27R

 

[YVINTERN]

YVINTERN wants this JOB!!!!!

Job Title Analyst, OnBoard Revenue

Location Charlotte, NC,US

Department Description



Dining & Cabin

Charlotte

Brief Description

Assists the Manager, OnBoard Revenue in the development, implementation and management of systems to control all onboard revenue and product inventories, including alcohol, headsets, duty free, meals for purchase, and sales merchandise. Assists in the design and implementation of new onboard management systems that encompass technology enhancements and best industry practices in an effort to support a cashless cabin environment.

Detailed Description



Principal Duties and Responsibilities:




§ Produce trend analyses, which identify the sources of fraud as well as relevant consumption patterns.

§ Generate monthly reports on sales activity, patterns, trends and forecasts.

§ Assist in the administration of a business plan that establishes strong financial and procedural controls that will enable Dining Cabin Service (DCS) to meet or exceed budgetary requirements.

§ Participate in onboard sales product acquisition activities and assist with recommendations for provisioning or product changes based analytical analysis.

§ Collaborate with DCS, InFlight Services, Airport Customer Services and outside vendors to design all required forms and documents. Recommend and implement product changes.

§ Assist with supervision of InFlight sales clerks responsible for cash collection and deposit. Assist with the oversight of the processing of InFlight sales receipts, reconciliation, and reporting. Coordinate with Airport Customer Services to oversee the processing of domestic InFlight Sales reports, reconciliation and reporting in assigned locations.

§ Assist with oversight and follow up on reports of no sale, missing sale, or missing inventory with the appropriate division in collaboration with Corporate Security and Internal Audit.

§ Provide support to Airport Customer Service, InFlight Service, Labor Relations, and Human Resources when theft/fraud has been identified and disciplinary action may result.

§ Prepare onboard revenue products and revenue estimates for management team

Job Requirements






§ Undergraduate degree or equivalent experience/training

§ Strong analytical skills for research and data collection

§ Excellent verbal and written communication skills, with ability to effectively interact with employees at all levels within the organization as well as with outside vendors

§ Ability to set priorities, meet deadlines and multi-task in a fast-paced work environment with minimal supervision

§ Proficient with Microsoft Office software (Word, Excel, PowerPoint, etc.)

§ Ability and willingness to travel as needed

 

[FlightChic]

There was a huge box of tea bags on my flight today and someone scribbled all over it and wrote Mother Parkers SUCKS! I wonder if it was a US Aviation person?

 

[ggiby]

There was a huge box of tea bags on my flight today and someone scribbled all over it and wrote Mother Parkers SUCKS! I wonder if it was a US Aviation person?

If you whant one piece of ice w/ your drink it will be 10cents per cube....

hold on while I count out each cube and each dime you give me.... at some point I will get to the next row of PAX...

this is going to be a nightmare...


Does anyone have change for a quarter????

 

[US1YFARE]

Does anyone have change for a quarter????

 

[LD3]

Does the BOD have a say in this A la crap deal, or it it strictly Curly and Larry coming up with this stupid sh!t?

 

[N965VJ]

Job Title Analyst, OnBoard Revenue

Location Charlotte, NC,US

No way! Is that on TheHub right now?

They are seriously still looking for people to administer a program that will be launched in a little over a month?

 

[john john]

LOL


I think I quit putting the real seal numbers on the paperwork in 1997.

Here's some of my favorite fake ones:
90210
8675309
362236
2816969
5150

Crazy88888

 

[jimcfs]

If you whant one piece of ice w/ your drink it will be 10cents per cube....

hold on while I count out each cube and each dime you give me.... at some point I will get to the next row of PAX...

this is going to be a nightmare...


Does anyone have change for a quarter????

And no pennies, please.

10 cents each, 3 for a quarter.