missthe727
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This was in Friday's Pittsburgh Tribune Review......Hysterical but sad...I almost choked on my coffee when I read it !!! 
http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/opinion/columnists/heyl/s_571278.html
Modern air travel like a subway in the sky
RIPPED FROM TOMORROW'S HEADLINES...................
By Eric Heyl
TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Friday, June 6, 2008
Ripped from tomorrow's headlines:
TEMPE, Ariz. -- In another move designed to streamline skyrocketing airline costs, US Airways announced today that it no longer will provide seating to passengers who fly in coach.
Seats still will be available to those in first class. But beginning July 1, those purchasing coach tickets will spend their flights holding onto subway-style straps dangling from the carry-on baggage compartments.
"This is a win-win for the airline and consumers," US Airways CEO Doug Parker said at a news conference at the airline's headquarters.
"It will significantly increase the fuel efficiency of our airplanes, as well as virtually eliminate frequent passenger complaints that the seats are too narrow and spaced too closely together."
Facing soaring fuel costs during a severe economic downturn, airlines have been laying off employees, raising various fees and eliminating what once were standard offerings on their flights.
American Airlines, for example, announced last month it will charge $15 for a single checked bag. Delta passengers pay $25 for making reservations via telephone. US Airways no longer provides complimentary in-flight peanuts and pretzels.
Parker called the removal of coach seats "a natural next step in this ongoing process." He reacted angrily when asked if the move could cause some passengers to feel as though they are being treated as little more than cattle.
"That's ridiculous," he said. "Cattle have hooves. They aren't capable of gripping straps."
Industry experts predicted US Airways would realize additional savings from going seatless in coach by eliminating its inventory of items typically stored in seat backs.
"There is every indication the airline no longer will be providing in-flight magazines, air sickness bags or emergency instruction pamphlets," said an analyst with Amalgamated Aviation Observers Inc. "Where would they put them?"
In addition to the recent snack cutbacks, Parker said that US Airways soon plans to stop providing passengers with any beverages -- including water.
"We're confident most passengers will be able to stay sufficiently hydrated, even on coast-to-coast flights, by recycling their own perspiration," Parker said.
"And we're going to make it easier for people to do that by disconnecting the wiring on all airplane air conditioning."
Although the airline plans to remove every restroom from its fleet by year's end to further increase passenger capacity, Parker insisted the lack of facilities would not pose a significant inconvenience to people.
"We're cognizant that not everyone can stave off nature's call on a trans-Atlantic flight in which the plane sat on the runway for three hours before taking off for no discernible reason," he said.
"That's why we're going to begin allowing people to bring their own diapers or catheters on board -- for a modest fee, of course."
Eric Heyl is a Tribune-Review staff writer. He can be reached at eheyl@tribweb.com or 412-320-7857.
http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/opinion/columnists/heyl/s_571278.html
Modern air travel like a subway in the sky
RIPPED FROM TOMORROW'S HEADLINES...................
By Eric Heyl
TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Friday, June 6, 2008
Ripped from tomorrow's headlines:
TEMPE, Ariz. -- In another move designed to streamline skyrocketing airline costs, US Airways announced today that it no longer will provide seating to passengers who fly in coach.
Seats still will be available to those in first class. But beginning July 1, those purchasing coach tickets will spend their flights holding onto subway-style straps dangling from the carry-on baggage compartments.
"This is a win-win for the airline and consumers," US Airways CEO Doug Parker said at a news conference at the airline's headquarters.
"It will significantly increase the fuel efficiency of our airplanes, as well as virtually eliminate frequent passenger complaints that the seats are too narrow and spaced too closely together."
Facing soaring fuel costs during a severe economic downturn, airlines have been laying off employees, raising various fees and eliminating what once were standard offerings on their flights.
American Airlines, for example, announced last month it will charge $15 for a single checked bag. Delta passengers pay $25 for making reservations via telephone. US Airways no longer provides complimentary in-flight peanuts and pretzels.
Parker called the removal of coach seats "a natural next step in this ongoing process." He reacted angrily when asked if the move could cause some passengers to feel as though they are being treated as little more than cattle.
"That's ridiculous," he said. "Cattle have hooves. They aren't capable of gripping straps."
Industry experts predicted US Airways would realize additional savings from going seatless in coach by eliminating its inventory of items typically stored in seat backs.
"There is every indication the airline no longer will be providing in-flight magazines, air sickness bags or emergency instruction pamphlets," said an analyst with Amalgamated Aviation Observers Inc. "Where would they put them?"
In addition to the recent snack cutbacks, Parker said that US Airways soon plans to stop providing passengers with any beverages -- including water.
"We're confident most passengers will be able to stay sufficiently hydrated, even on coast-to-coast flights, by recycling their own perspiration," Parker said.
"And we're going to make it easier for people to do that by disconnecting the wiring on all airplane air conditioning."
Although the airline plans to remove every restroom from its fleet by year's end to further increase passenger capacity, Parker insisted the lack of facilities would not pose a significant inconvenience to people.
"We're cognizant that not everyone can stave off nature's call on a trans-Atlantic flight in which the plane sat on the runway for three hours before taking off for no discernible reason," he said.
"That's why we're going to begin allowing people to bring their own diapers or catheters on board -- for a modest fee, of course."
Eric Heyl is a Tribune-Review staff writer. He can be reached at eheyl@tribweb.com or 412-320-7857.
