The Galley Show - Part Deux

Just imagine "Born again Betty" on a TLV trip?
Sorry I missed your big bash, Gloria. The stupid Air Wisconsin flight I was going to take cancelled. PHL ATC, again.

That guy in 8A seemed really surprised we didn't have coffee on the second beverage service. Who drinks coffee at five in the afternoon anyway? If we had brewed a whole pot, he would have been the only one to want any.
 
Did you hear the company will no longer allow us to do any fundraising at work? I hope this puts a stop to Multi-Level Marketing Mike, the Amway captain that everyone hates to fly with. He’s almost as bad as Born-Again Brenda. Then there’s that FA that sells jewelry in the crew room. I bought a bracelet for one of my ex girlfriends from her and it turned her hand green. I wrapped it in an empty Tiffany box I found in the overhead. Wow was she mad at me, but how much money does she expect me to spend on her since I only fly 40 hours a month. Girlfriends are almost as needy as the PAX on the PBI flights.
 
Now the language professor teaching the copier guy to say "Comment peuvent-ils servir de la nourriture sans plaque? Comment collant!" "Comment collant" I like the sound of that.! Even though I don't think it means something nice.

Born again Brenda thinks they should be grateful just to get the food, even in foil heating tray. You know, back in my L1011 days with Eastern we never ran out of plates. There was so much space in that lower deck galley. We never had to put the water bottles in the overhead bins.
 
Debbie, how is Gloria supposed to get her Avon if I can't sell it anymore? You would think those desert kiddies would appreciate my developing sales skills, what with them having us shill everything from soup to nuts.

That Avon money was going to pay for my retirement. Now I guess sticking around and making reserves, supes, and those whining suits so miserable they will donate to my 401K is my only choice. I just got a statement, it's back over $1000. I should be able to retire when Doug does.
 
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That Copier Guy in 2C is making me mental.

Every time and it's alot that I bring him his beloved Gin and Tonic he says "Thank You Ma'am"! I thought as long as I was a reserve I wouldn't be old enough to a "Ma'am" Betty, do I really look old enough to be a Ma'am?
 
Oh Debbie, I thought a Cancun trip would be a nice break with that big flea market, tequila modelo slushies and the firemen on the beach. But they got that internet on board.

I went back in coach and some redneck talked this kid on his first flight without his Mom to pull up ratemyrack.com. They drew an audience and these young hussies claimed they were better than anything on the net. Then the net gets shot down for being offshore and the redneck starts yelling 'Emerson' like he was at a NASCAR race.

The hussies line up and Floyd starts MCing. Like they couldn't wait for the beach to undress. Now the aisles are so full I can't sell Pringles. The kid with the computer is under his seat deleting everything on his computer. Floyd has his shirt off.

I am not leaving this galley. My babies would be humiliated. Tell the Captain to put on the seatbelt sign. No, don't tell him why, we can't fly this thing.

Sorry Sir we are out of tequila, the seat belt sign is on, I don't know what the ruckus is in the back. Floyd is a complete professional and will assume control. We have a tuna burrito and some Miller Lite left if you want food but please respect the seat belt sign.

Empty the liquor kits, here, in my bag.
 
Dog Wonder said:
Sorry Sir we are out of tequila, the seat belt sign is on, I don't know what the ruckus is in the back. Floyd is a complete professional and will assume control. We have a tuna burrito and some Miller Lite left if you want food but please respect the seat belt sign.

Empty the liquor kits, here, in my bag.
Click to expand...


The tuna is from a new vendor that Tempe lined up. The biggest discount seafood wholesaler in Arizona. Maybe I should suggest it to Copier Guy to go with his G&T. And the limes are green today. Sorta.
 
Hey Floyd and Gloria, did yinz know that since usaviation moved to their new site, you can't look at it from the Catcrew computer terminal anymore? I wanted to see if there was something new and constructive in the pilot's thread and about the rumor that the American West side will fly to Hilo. And the new site is blocked! Anyhoo, what you yinz think of the new site?
 
You know I just don't go there anymore. The kids and their overactive imaginations (think we'll fly to Disneyland?) and pilots with their overblown egos (I can prove I'm smarter than you in 653 posts). It's like a PHL-MCO trip. No more salacious unfounded rumors or pictures of drunken rampers in company vehicles.

Floyd got inspired on that Cancun trip. So nice of the fireman on the beach giving you his bomberos shirt so you would have somethig to wear on the walk back to the hotel. That surf was rolling. He is starting a website, ratemywatchamacallit.com. He says it will be fun for boys and girls. I told him he must include a forum but he says the money is in chat rooms.
 
Ya know, maybe I should stop paying so much attention to it; sometimes, I wonder what it would been like if the internet had been around back when I was flying for Eastern. Imagine the postings about Charlie Bryant and Frank Borman, And I could have posted some lower deck galley stories! Can't wait to see Floyd's site, just don't tell Born Again Brenda about it.
Well I gotta go, I want to see what the language professor thinks about the fish. Good thing we had plates. And the copier guy needs another G&T. Good thing the limes are green!
 
No, Gloria, it wasn't a problem switching jumpseats with you the other day so you could be the first one off the plane and beat all those passengers through customs. Were you able to catch that earlier Southwestern flight and intercept the UPS delivery before MR. Holtz got home?

Excuse me, Gloria. "Yes maam? You are diabetic and DID NOT bring any food? "Yes maam, I realize just one twizzler will get your blood sugar back to normal but you need a credit card to purchase twizzlers" Anyways Gloria. "No maam, we do not accept cash. Perhaps you can find another passenger WITH a credit card and you can give them the $3 so they can purchase twizzlers for you."

So, Gloria, like I was saying, if you only take one ambien and keep it down to one bottle of wine I think you'll actually find that you remember the shopping you did on QVC.
 
I heard some UA FAs telling a joke on the van today;

What sizes do US FA uniforms come in?
Small, medium, and PHL.

They can laugh all they want, but wait until I transfer to HNL and push them back on reserve with their wimpy juniority. Now I’ll have to find the UA Crew tag I had on by bag from 10 years ago. Does anyone know if UA has crew meals? How about discounts in the hotel restaurants? I’m not fat, I’m big boned!
 
Dagnabbit, my uniform is getting tight. I would like to say it's the washing machine's fault, but honestly I do have CD hips. No, not CD as in audio, it means I bump the C and D seats when I walk down the aisle.
 
N965VJ said:
I heard some UA FAs telling a joke on the van today;

What sizes do US FA uniforms come in?
Small, medium, and PHL.

They can laugh all they want, but wait until I transfer to HNL and push them back on reserve with their wimpy juniority. Now I’ll have to find the UA Crew tag I had on by bag from 10 years ago. Does anyone know if UA has crew meals? How about discounts in the hotel restaurants? I’m not fat, I’m big boned!
Click to expand...

Oh and you're a size Pittsburgh right? :oops:
 
Betty, I just had the worst flight on Southwestern to get here. There was this short pilot sitting next to me with the worst hair plugs. Every time I looked down at him I had these horrible thoughts of someone shooting him in the head with fishing flies out of a B-B gun.

And he would not shut up. Apparently Al Crellin told him about some transaction eight years ago. He went on and on about how he knew about it first. I asked how he knew first if some one else told him, but he never heard a word. It didn't stop, he just knew he was a prophet.

Finally Floyd if he wanted to be on his website. This guy grew two inches and said people need to see what I have to offer. Floyd took out his camera and asked the pilot to the lav.

I found an empty center seat ten rows away but just couldn't sleep. Those hair plugs just creeped me out.

You do the service, I'm already exhausted.
 
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