Missing In Action: Ted
Anybody remember United's Southwest-killer, Ted?
The advertising has stopped, it seems. The quirky and expensive promotions are nowhere to be found. Remember, Ted was the mystical program that simply took some A-320s, re-painted them, put a few more seats in, and put them right back in service mostly where they were before, except that they were now were "low cost" airplanes.
Along with that, United gave the new sub-brand a persona, weaving the name into all sorts of aspects of the flight. "Ted wants you to be safe," says the inflight announcement. Silly plastic seat back cards announced "Ted tunes" and the same IFE earphones often found on other United airplanes were made "distinctive" with the addition of brightly-colored foam ear muffs. Wow, fun and frivolity and color in flight!
Unfortunately, most of the passengers, many of which were connecting from other United flights, had no idea what or who "Ted" was. Nor did they care. It wasn't a definable, separate airline, nor a separate route system. It was just a sub-fleet with a different paint job.
But according to United management - or, more likely the wizard outside advisors to which they paid hundreds of millions to tell them what to do - these simple changes were supposed to create a low-cost carrier, despite the fact that airport costs, fuel costs, aircraft costs, maintenance costs, and labor costs remained the same.
Well, actually not, as the increase in seating capacity required an additional flight attendant.
The rest of the industry was dumbfounded with jealousy - the CEO of one of United's competitors lamented that he, too, wanted to find the magic paint United was using - one coat, and, voila! lower costs.
This doesn't include the millions spent on installing dual-jetways at several gates in Denver, for the "fast turns" that these wizard outside advisors had read were so important to low-fare airlines. This despite the fact that Ted-painted airplanes at Denver were actually part of the hub bank, just like the rest of United's flights there, so "fast turns" were not really a factor. But according to news reports, these back-door boarding contraptions have already taken out at least one airplane when it collapsed on the wing.
But, now, it seems that Ted, as part of United's multi-dimensional strategy, is AWOL. It seems the ad budget and the hype-stream have been shut off.
Lots of smoke and mirrors, and millions of dollars spent on a quirky marketing gaff that nobody outside of its creators ever really understood. The public never has grasped what Ted was supposed to be, especially since the fare levels, particularly at Denver, never really changed much, given that United had already matched Frontier, and the arrival of planes in a new paint didn't change that. Mileage Plus Premier-level passengers sure noticed, as those expected first class upgrades to places like Orlando, Phoenix and Las Vegas were no longer available.
The Ted fiasco is sort of like an inside joke with not much of a punch line. Nobody's laughing except United's competitors, who don't understand the concept any more than does the flying public.
It's unfortunate that it was all funded from the millions in employee pay and benefit givebacks. If there aren't the results at United that employees might expect after bankruptcy and painful concessions, the thought process that created Ted is one of the core reasons why.
Anybody remember United's Southwest-killer, Ted?
The advertising has stopped, it seems. The quirky and expensive promotions are nowhere to be found. Remember, Ted was the mystical program that simply took some A-320s, re-painted them, put a few more seats in, and put them right back in service mostly where they were before, except that they were now were "low cost" airplanes.
Along with that, United gave the new sub-brand a persona, weaving the name into all sorts of aspects of the flight. "Ted wants you to be safe," says the inflight announcement. Silly plastic seat back cards announced "Ted tunes" and the same IFE earphones often found on other United airplanes were made "distinctive" with the addition of brightly-colored foam ear muffs. Wow, fun and frivolity and color in flight!
Unfortunately, most of the passengers, many of which were connecting from other United flights, had no idea what or who "Ted" was. Nor did they care. It wasn't a definable, separate airline, nor a separate route system. It was just a sub-fleet with a different paint job.
But according to United management - or, more likely the wizard outside advisors to which they paid hundreds of millions to tell them what to do - these simple changes were supposed to create a low-cost carrier, despite the fact that airport costs, fuel costs, aircraft costs, maintenance costs, and labor costs remained the same.
Well, actually not, as the increase in seating capacity required an additional flight attendant.
The rest of the industry was dumbfounded with jealousy - the CEO of one of United's competitors lamented that he, too, wanted to find the magic paint United was using - one coat, and, voila! lower costs.
This doesn't include the millions spent on installing dual-jetways at several gates in Denver, for the "fast turns" that these wizard outside advisors had read were so important to low-fare airlines. This despite the fact that Ted-painted airplanes at Denver were actually part of the hub bank, just like the rest of United's flights there, so "fast turns" were not really a factor. But according to news reports, these back-door boarding contraptions have already taken out at least one airplane when it collapsed on the wing.
But, now, it seems that Ted, as part of United's multi-dimensional strategy, is AWOL. It seems the ad budget and the hype-stream have been shut off.
Lots of smoke and mirrors, and millions of dollars spent on a quirky marketing gaff that nobody outside of its creators ever really understood. The public never has grasped what Ted was supposed to be, especially since the fare levels, particularly at Denver, never really changed much, given that United had already matched Frontier, and the arrival of planes in a new paint didn't change that. Mileage Plus Premier-level passengers sure noticed, as those expected first class upgrades to places like Orlando, Phoenix and Las Vegas were no longer available.
The Ted fiasco is sort of like an inside joke with not much of a punch line. Nobody's laughing except United's competitors, who don't understand the concept any more than does the flying public.
It's unfortunate that it was all funded from the millions in employee pay and benefit givebacks. If there aren't the results at United that employees might expect after bankruptcy and painful concessions, the thought process that created Ted is one of the core reasons why.
