ralphcramden
Member
*****Fading USAviation.com Erupts: A Legend Returns*****
The Man Who Knew Too Much
When last we visited, the fever swamps of central Georgia were abuzz, as the distinguished state was wrestling with such pesky annoyances as a third world school system, a world beating crime rate, and the world altering vision of two fisted drinker Mr. Doug Parker.
With rapier accuracy, noted industry observer mr. ralphcramden explained the situation, and dared to be right. Sadly, the new reality has seen stock in the “new†Delta sinking to less than 18 dollars a share, amidst a worsening outlook for the industry. Sane holders of Delta shares are now wishing they had followed the advice offered by a distinguished industry thinker, and taken the money and run.
The Wall Street branch of the friends of mr. ralphcramden have had a good chuckle over this, as well as over the lumpens’ envisioning of a happy band of outside Delta directors singing kumbaya and scorning a big barrelful of free money from the Tempe party boys. By their account, the Boeing Company allowed ballet aficionado Mr. Gerald Grinstein to hold the center and win the prize, which might yet turn into a booby prize.
Man of the Year
Defeated in their skirmish by Flomax enthusiast Mr. Gerald Grinstein, Mr. Doug Parker retreated to the free state of Arizona, where the swaggering saloon stallion quickly rebounded. Then, while cheerfully obeying the moral imperative to be a man, Mr. Parker found himself rudely inconvenienced by the politically correct fringe of the pleasure police. Entrapment followed via a new-age, junk science bit of medical “testing†quackery, and the role model was absurdly remanded to the tender mercies of “America’s Toughest Sheriff,†the honorable Joe Arpaio.
While this shameful retreat of Western Civilization was cheered by the rabble, the knowing minority ruefully observed that the turn of events would have appalled the late statesman and imbiber Sir Winston Churchill. Far from abashed by the nocturnal antics of the paunchy frat boy were Mr. Parker’s hardiest defenders in the matter, the members of cramden nation. Not a few joined with none other than respected airline analyst mr. ralphcramden in hoisting a quaff and proclaiming, “To Hell with the New Fascism!â€
Bad News Bears
Now on to the latest news from mr. ralphcramden’s very favorite investment bankers, and the news is not good. These luminaries have come to the firm conclusion that the industry is going to hell in a hand basket, the rosy predictions of crew room financiers be damned.
First, a brief paraphrasing of the conundrum, as told by professional bankers who would disdain the 5’4â€, 245 lbs. AWA320 as a primary source of economic analysis:
Within the last few weeks, bearish sentiment on Wall Street has been growing. Private equity deals are being canceled, as are IPOs. The heightening wave of pessimism in housing, hedge funds, the dollar, oil, and stocks does not bode well for the air transport sector. In their knowing view, consumer spending is on the precipice. Unhappy days are here again.
Seeing the future, these seers predict that Hapeville-based Delta Air Lines shall return to Chapter 11 in two to three years time. United Airlines is likewise destined to refile, or perhaps not. The luminaries of lower Manhattan do not rule out the L word for the Elk Grove Township- based company. Oh, the humanity!
Elsewhere, the industry will be forced to hunker down once again, as every carrier not named Southwest shows red ink. Readers may be assured, however, that noted industry celebrities Mr. Doug Parker and mr. ralphcramden will weather the storm, as always, in the grand manner.
A Call for Compassion
To help counter the psychic burden of this threatening news, we must indulge the fragile Delta777 as he reenters the arena. Fantastical boasts about such workaday trivialities as double breasted uniform jackets and Business Class lumbar support will help salve the mind of the latter day Robert Stack. Let us add our support by unanimously affirming that the pilot corps of Delta Air Lines (sic) is the coolest, “baddest,†bestest of them all.
To prove this bold hypothesis, and provide historical context to the stalwart battalion, one must simply hearken back to days on campus, while recalling the coolness quotient of participants in the ROTC. Who among our readers can sit still on their coffee house stools as they imagine the sharply dressed assemblage at the annual Cadets’ Ball, gyrating to the tune of “Jive Talkin’,†by the Bee Gees? Three cheers!
The Call Sign Solution
What began as an offhand suggestion by renowned business commentator mr. ralphcramden during a recent discussion of industry trends has turned the US Airways call sign issue on its head. Endorsed by those present at mr. ralphcramden’s regular cigar bar audience, the proposal injected a measure of sanity into a deepening turf battle, while providing a welcome alternative to the lowbrow “Cactus.â€
The power of the internet served to fan the flames of this bonfire, as cramden nation embraced the contagion. The thrilling prospect of a return to pride in the airline industry had some enthusiasts beside themselves as they banged the drum for immediate implementation. Finally, with deep humility and characteristic sense of time and place, mr. ralphcramden stepped forward and endorsed a brighter future - Call Sign “cramden!â€
The Man Who Knew Too Much
When last we visited, the fever swamps of central Georgia were abuzz, as the distinguished state was wrestling with such pesky annoyances as a third world school system, a world beating crime rate, and the world altering vision of two fisted drinker Mr. Doug Parker.
With rapier accuracy, noted industry observer mr. ralphcramden explained the situation, and dared to be right. Sadly, the new reality has seen stock in the “new†Delta sinking to less than 18 dollars a share, amidst a worsening outlook for the industry. Sane holders of Delta shares are now wishing they had followed the advice offered by a distinguished industry thinker, and taken the money and run.
The Wall Street branch of the friends of mr. ralphcramden have had a good chuckle over this, as well as over the lumpens’ envisioning of a happy band of outside Delta directors singing kumbaya and scorning a big barrelful of free money from the Tempe party boys. By their account, the Boeing Company allowed ballet aficionado Mr. Gerald Grinstein to hold the center and win the prize, which might yet turn into a booby prize.
Man of the Year
Defeated in their skirmish by Flomax enthusiast Mr. Gerald Grinstein, Mr. Doug Parker retreated to the free state of Arizona, where the swaggering saloon stallion quickly rebounded. Then, while cheerfully obeying the moral imperative to be a man, Mr. Parker found himself rudely inconvenienced by the politically correct fringe of the pleasure police. Entrapment followed via a new-age, junk science bit of medical “testing†quackery, and the role model was absurdly remanded to the tender mercies of “America’s Toughest Sheriff,†the honorable Joe Arpaio.
While this shameful retreat of Western Civilization was cheered by the rabble, the knowing minority ruefully observed that the turn of events would have appalled the late statesman and imbiber Sir Winston Churchill. Far from abashed by the nocturnal antics of the paunchy frat boy were Mr. Parker’s hardiest defenders in the matter, the members of cramden nation. Not a few joined with none other than respected airline analyst mr. ralphcramden in hoisting a quaff and proclaiming, “To Hell with the New Fascism!â€
Bad News Bears
Now on to the latest news from mr. ralphcramden’s very favorite investment bankers, and the news is not good. These luminaries have come to the firm conclusion that the industry is going to hell in a hand basket, the rosy predictions of crew room financiers be damned.
First, a brief paraphrasing of the conundrum, as told by professional bankers who would disdain the 5’4â€, 245 lbs. AWA320 as a primary source of economic analysis:
Within the last few weeks, bearish sentiment on Wall Street has been growing. Private equity deals are being canceled, as are IPOs. The heightening wave of pessimism in housing, hedge funds, the dollar, oil, and stocks does not bode well for the air transport sector. In their knowing view, consumer spending is on the precipice. Unhappy days are here again.
Seeing the future, these seers predict that Hapeville-based Delta Air Lines shall return to Chapter 11 in two to three years time. United Airlines is likewise destined to refile, or perhaps not. The luminaries of lower Manhattan do not rule out the L word for the Elk Grove Township- based company. Oh, the humanity!
Elsewhere, the industry will be forced to hunker down once again, as every carrier not named Southwest shows red ink. Readers may be assured, however, that noted industry celebrities Mr. Doug Parker and mr. ralphcramden will weather the storm, as always, in the grand manner.
A Call for Compassion
To help counter the psychic burden of this threatening news, we must indulge the fragile Delta777 as he reenters the arena. Fantastical boasts about such workaday trivialities as double breasted uniform jackets and Business Class lumbar support will help salve the mind of the latter day Robert Stack. Let us add our support by unanimously affirming that the pilot corps of Delta Air Lines (sic) is the coolest, “baddest,†bestest of them all.
To prove this bold hypothesis, and provide historical context to the stalwart battalion, one must simply hearken back to days on campus, while recalling the coolness quotient of participants in the ROTC. Who among our readers can sit still on their coffee house stools as they imagine the sharply dressed assemblage at the annual Cadets’ Ball, gyrating to the tune of “Jive Talkin’,†by the Bee Gees? Three cheers!
The Call Sign Solution
What began as an offhand suggestion by renowned business commentator mr. ralphcramden during a recent discussion of industry trends has turned the US Airways call sign issue on its head. Endorsed by those present at mr. ralphcramden’s regular cigar bar audience, the proposal injected a measure of sanity into a deepening turf battle, while providing a welcome alternative to the lowbrow “Cactus.â€
The power of the internet served to fan the flames of this bonfire, as cramden nation embraced the contagion. The thrilling prospect of a return to pride in the airline industry had some enthusiasts beside themselves as they banged the drum for immediate implementation. Finally, with deep humility and characteristic sense of time and place, mr. ralphcramden stepped forward and endorsed a brighter future - Call Sign “cramden!â€
